A few weeks ago a friend of mine posted how she found her entire freezer full of breast milk thawed. It’s been weeks and I’m still thinking about it and it wasn’t even me. Only a mom who has pumped milk from her body like a cow out of pure love and dedication to her child can ever begin to understand the complete and total devastation that ruined breast milk is. I have cried over a spilt bottle or bag, but an entire freezer?! I would have to take bereavement leave. A moment of silence please. Our hearts are with you J.G.
Finding the time, resources, and money for date nights is hard to come by and few and far between for most couples. You gotta find a babysitter and pay them on top of what you are spending on your night out. You worry if the babysitter will get the kids in bed on time, what your kids will convince them they can eat (e.g. candy, juice, knives, the family hamster), if they can get the little one to take his bottle, what time you need to be back home, etc. etc.
That said, my hubs and I have been having lunch dates every week. We are lucky because we both work remotely, and I rent a cool office space right in the middle of a bunch of restaurants that is only 10 mins from our house, where my husband works. So I know this is not possible for most couples, but if it is DO IT! Our kids are in preschool so we don’t have to arrange for a babysitter or worry if they are ok or what time we need to be back. It’s a stress free date where we get to be a normal couple and talk about adult things again. Highly recommend it!
WHAT?!??! Yeah I know, men don’t need to fight for more equality in most places, let alone the workplace, but hear me out.
We need to continue the fight for better maternity leave policies in America because most companies don’t have a great policy and some have no leave at all. However, I think a lot of the fight for better family leave policies and more flexibility in the workplace once we become parents would actually be more successful if it came from men.
I think if men pushed harder and made a fight for paternity leave, not only would more companies actually have paternity leave but I think maternity policies would improve as well. I also think that what happens after you go back to work is just as important, if not more important, because it’s a longer period of time than when you first have the baby.
A lot of women make adjustments, given their job allows for it, once they become moms. Maybe they have to leave work earlier to get their child from daycare or school. They have to take days off when their kids are sick or school is closed. They need to get to parent teacher conferences during the workday, get to events and games, and doctor appointments. Perhaps they travel less and have less dinner meetings because they need to or want to be home with their kids. (School and work just don’t mix, incase you haven’t come to that realization yet.) What I am not seeing happen, and I don’t understand this, is a lot of men don’t appear to be changing their workplace schedules or habits at all when they have kids. It is just business as usual. Yes I will stay late for a meeting, yes I will travel, I have to work 60 hours this week, I have to miss parent teacher conferences for this important call, etc. Why would a father feel any differently about life after kids than a mother would?
Is it the gender pay gap, where often times the men make more money so they feel like they can’t make any adjustments at work since they have to provide for their family? Do men and women just feel differently about their attachments to their children? Are there more expectation on women to be caretakers and even if they have a job they take off each for things their kids need? Why? It’s 2019. Shouldn’t parents be pulling equal parental weight? If both parents work, why should only one make adjustments to their work life while the other does not?
I think if men asked about paternity leave when talking to a potential employer about employee benefits, things would improve for both maternity and paternity policies in this country. I think if men said I have to leave at this time everyday to pick up my son, or don’t schedule a meeting on Thursday because I have parent teacher conferences, or I have to travel less now that I have kids…employers might start to shift towards a better work life balance. Yes it totally sucks that I think men have to take the lead here in order for change to happen for everyone, but I think that may just be reality.
Everyone is afraid of getting passed up on the next raise or promotion. That’s hard to deal with, but what if we just all stood our ground and put our families first? Would things change?
I could have a fancier title, make more money, work for some Silicon Valley company, climb the ladder, blah blah blah. But I don’t want to. I make a good living. I like my company and my coworkers. I choose my family and my work/life balance. I know this is a luxury, but how many people have this luxury but choose not to use it?
It would be nice to have it all, but I’m not sure we can. You want to be a high level executive in the working world or just own your own company, you probably have to put in a lot of hours, be on email and phone all the time, travel, etc. I’m not sure how that ties in nicely with being a parent. It’s really a shame because everyone wants to achieve their goals in their career AND be a great parent. Has anyone figured out how to do both?
REJOICE!!! We survived a 2.5 week closure between camp and school as two working parents! And a 2 week closure in May before camp. We made it! And we still have our jobs! So grateful for employers that understand the life of working parents, extremely lucky for my parents who watched our youngest the whole time, and to one week of camp here and another week of camp there for my 3 year old son. Phew! We love, love, love our preschool and they gotta do what they gotta do to clean, train, and give our beloved teachers time off…but boy are we happy that our boys are at school today and we can all get back into our normal routines and work days.
On another note, this morning for drop off instead of going to the left side of the campus to drop both kids off, we went right first to drop my oldest off. He’s on the “big kid” side of school now where the 3 and 4 year olds are. THE BIG KID SIDE. So basically next year he’ll graduate from college and go off into the world and leave me. Do I smile or cry? I think both.
It’s really fun when your three year old says things to you that he heard out of your mouth during your worst moments. This week’s favorites are “I don’t care,” “Knock it off!” and “Nothing works around here.” Oh boy…
They say that you can’t have a favorite child. But let’s be honest, that’s not true. Your favorite child is your dog (if you have one). He doesn’t need anything from you but love and food. He loves you unconditionally, even if you had to tell him he’s a bad dog today. He is waiting at the door when you get home. He loves all of the food you give him no matter how good of a cook you are or if he had the same thing yesterday…or for years. He doesn’t color on your walls with crayons, you don’t have to wipe his butt (although picking it up isn’t so glamorous), you don’t have to take off of work when his school is closed, he doesn’t leave his dinner on the table every single night after you went out of your way to make it after a long work day. He’s your favorite because…well…he doesn’t talk.
Hello! Welcome to this blog! I hope it serves more as a community instead of a 1 way conversation of me talking at you. Please feel free to use the comments to say “That happened to me yesterday!” or “Try putting their chicken nuggets in honey mustard” or “I just spit out my coffee all over my screen.” or “My kids are perfect, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It takes a village to raise kids and it warms my heart when someone helps me or when I get to help someone else. It’s also nice to make jokes, vent, bounce ideas off of each other, or just get something off your chest…other than that spit up on your shirt. As this community grows I will try to make improvements to the site to make it more of a free form that people can submit, share and connect with others on. Also please follow and add us on your Social media. Excited for this adventure with all of you!